4rum
11-11-2007, 06:28 PM
Granny and the Tooter
Granny saw her last birthday
From the backside of eighty two
So ninety ain't so far away
Hence nothing works like new
Her mem'ry left her years ago
Her teeth weren't far behind
Might explain, though, you know
The stuff on which she dined
Soup an' goop an' smelly fare
Like lots of boiled up cabbage
While in the past 'slips' were rare
Since spring they'd gotten savage
Seems when Granny's hearing went
Her pucker string went with it
Though she thought silence heaven sent
To us the scent was sh*t
Now folks what were we to do
It's Thanksgiving after all
So sitting there without a clue
Sits Granny like a doll
Flowered dress an' rosey cheeks
Hair up in a bun
Then the fear we'd had for weeks
Granny up an' cut one
'Pheep' Whew, thank the Lord
It was just a little squeeker
The bliss brought Granny great reward
She couldn't look much meeker
With folded hands an' bowing head
And sweetly smiling face
'Pheeer... rit... rit... rit' her pooter said
As I was saying grace
Turkey plate to plate was passed
With mashed 'taters an' the rolls
When came a mighty gaseous blast
From Granny, bless 'er soul
'Fweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep' the tooter loudly rang
Upon that hardwood chair
To crack a window, up I sprang
The family needed air
With one hand Sissy pinched her nose
Kept eating with the other
When Granny let a good'un go
Dethroning Sissy's brother
The curtains took a caste of brown
The wall paint peeled in patches
As Granny fired another round
Of 'kraut an' kitchen matches
It sounded like the flapper
That baffeled Granny's gas
Had turned into a rapper
Unwrapped in Granny's a$$
'Pherrrrrr rit a pit a phitt to to
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rappa rappa rap'
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you
Ours turned out like crap!!!
Granny saw her last birthday
From the backside of eighty two
So ninety ain't so far away
Hence nothing works like new
Her mem'ry left her years ago
Her teeth weren't far behind
Might explain, though, you know
The stuff on which she dined
Soup an' goop an' smelly fare
Like lots of boiled up cabbage
While in the past 'slips' were rare
Since spring they'd gotten savage
Seems when Granny's hearing went
Her pucker string went with it
Though she thought silence heaven sent
To us the scent was sh*t
Now folks what were we to do
It's Thanksgiving after all
So sitting there without a clue
Sits Granny like a doll
Flowered dress an' rosey cheeks
Hair up in a bun
Then the fear we'd had for weeks
Granny up an' cut one
'Pheep' Whew, thank the Lord
It was just a little squeeker
The bliss brought Granny great reward
She couldn't look much meeker
With folded hands an' bowing head
And sweetly smiling face
'Pheeer... rit... rit... rit' her pooter said
As I was saying grace
Turkey plate to plate was passed
With mashed 'taters an' the rolls
When came a mighty gaseous blast
From Granny, bless 'er soul
'Fweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep' the tooter loudly rang
Upon that hardwood chair
To crack a window, up I sprang
The family needed air
With one hand Sissy pinched her nose
Kept eating with the other
When Granny let a good'un go
Dethroning Sissy's brother
The curtains took a caste of brown
The wall paint peeled in patches
As Granny fired another round
Of 'kraut an' kitchen matches
It sounded like the flapper
That baffeled Granny's gas
Had turned into a rapper
Unwrapped in Granny's a$$
'Pherrrrrr rit a pit a phitt to to
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rappa rappa rap'
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you
Ours turned out like crap!!!