4rum
04-01-2008, 01:30 AM
Chelsey’s Bull
I kinder been wonderin’ about somethin’… is a cow – boy a oxy – moron ?
… anyways …
Folks, if you leave your cattle outdoors, as a lot of people do these days, you can figure that sooner or later one of ‘em is apt to get struck by lightnin’.
Take Chelsey’s ol’ red bull Bo’regard. Bo’regard was a layin’ on top of the knob field, under a big ol’ apple tree… munchin’ wind shook green apples an’ feelin’ purty durn good about hisself. Ol’ Bo’ seen th’ clouds… might have even heard the thunder… don’t know…………..
KEEEEEEEEEEE …rrrrrRRRRRRR….aaaaAAAAAAKKKKK! ! !
When Bo’regard woke up, the faint smell of sulfur, singed hair an’ green apple dookie still hung in the air… while the actual dookie hung on the bushes… covered the grass… an’ left a runny greenish trail back to the top of the knob field. Bo had been skidded, spread eagle (times 2), down the hill on his nut sack… this left him a might sore… fact is, he was down right pissed ! … an’ a little near sighted. The next few days would see Bo’regard develop a pronounced twitch as he tried to clear his vision… the spread legged waddle of his hind legs went away soon enough.
Time didn’t seem to help Bo’regards disposition, or his eyesight. The added frustration of being shunned by the cows made things even worse… as evidenced by Bo mounting the tractor once and Dame Chelsey… TWICE!
… she stays indoors a lot now… mumbles to ‘er self real low, ‘cept an occasional screech …
"… yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep ! ! ! … watwuzat ? ? ?"
poor thang…
… 3 a.m……….
… scares th’ bejeebers outta Chelsey…
Although Bo’regard’s primary equipment was up an’ runnin’ all was still not well. First of April, Uncle Luther brought his little yeller Jersey, Fern, by for … uh… service an’ was not bashful at all in tellin’ Chelsey, …
"Chelsey ! You need to hep that critter git ‘round behind."
Fern was not amused at havin’ her ribs poked. She rolled her eyes up and ‘huffed’ in indignation. The rest of the cows looked on in silence… it was a sad day fer Bo’regard. He turned a might testy after that an’ Chelsey took to carryin’ a big stick.
Now to get to the Left Hand Fork of Tumble Creek you had to cross Chelsey’s place. Fishin’ pressure dropped to a minimum on the Left Hand Fork. Folks all over Posey was gettin’ th’ word on Bo… word was steak !
Cousin Scooter’s (have I told ya’ll lately what a fine boy he’s turnin’ out to be?) … uh… Cousin Scooter’s favorite fishin’ hole was on the Left Hand Fork. Come Saturday mornin’ he had a ‘baccer can full of crickets an’ a itch. ‘Bout day’light he stood, one foot up on Chelsey’s gate, gazing out across the pasture field… wistfully scratchin’ his be’hind…
"I reckon I gotta try ‘er."
Now Scooter could outrun a fairydiddle, but ol’ Bo had begin a hidin’ an springin’ out sudden like on folks… er anything bigger’n a layin’ hen. A couple of near misses had left Scooter a might cautious … an’ Bo’regard even more flustered.
"No sign of Bo’regard today. Chelsey musta shut him up agin… ‘er maybe shot th’ son of a … er… ol’ red bull."
Scooter eased the old gate open… shhhhhushed th’ squeaky hinges as he shut ‘er behind him and skittered, tree to tree … bush to bush …
"whoooops… frikkin’ cow patty… did’n see that’n… ick!"
rock to rock…. to the creek bank… there, he stood hiding behind an old stack pole (Cousin Scooter was skinny as a rail back then) …
watchin’ … watchin’…
"Nothin’."
"Pheeeeeeww weeee … might be a extry good day."
Now I don’t know if them fish was all that hungry ‘er had just been a missin’ ol’ Scooter, but in a very short time he was pert near out of crickets. He decided to roll a couple big ol’ rocks an’ ketch a grampus ‘er two. Scooter waded out ‘bout knee deep, turned up a slick creek rock an’ promptly let ‘er slip off of turned back finger nails, right on his toes.
Scooter wasn’t hurt bad, ‘cept his skint up shins, but his tenner shoes was caught under the rock pretty good.
All bent over, as he was, Scooter heard the splash… Cousin Scooter even had an instant in which to envision his life thus far … flashin’ before his eyes… but ya’ll just gotta know, Bo’regard throwed some shock an’ awe into Cousin Scooter’s pin worms !
Scooter made ‘er home… barefooted…
Th’ ‘Bar-None’ got a new addition to th’ menue…
Bo Burger……… $2.98 w/coupon.
Ya’ll stop on by now.
I kinder been wonderin’ about somethin’… is a cow – boy a oxy – moron ?
… anyways …
Folks, if you leave your cattle outdoors, as a lot of people do these days, you can figure that sooner or later one of ‘em is apt to get struck by lightnin’.
Take Chelsey’s ol’ red bull Bo’regard. Bo’regard was a layin’ on top of the knob field, under a big ol’ apple tree… munchin’ wind shook green apples an’ feelin’ purty durn good about hisself. Ol’ Bo’ seen th’ clouds… might have even heard the thunder… don’t know…………..
KEEEEEEEEEEE …rrrrrRRRRRRR….aaaaAAAAAAKKKKK! ! !
When Bo’regard woke up, the faint smell of sulfur, singed hair an’ green apple dookie still hung in the air… while the actual dookie hung on the bushes… covered the grass… an’ left a runny greenish trail back to the top of the knob field. Bo had been skidded, spread eagle (times 2), down the hill on his nut sack… this left him a might sore… fact is, he was down right pissed ! … an’ a little near sighted. The next few days would see Bo’regard develop a pronounced twitch as he tried to clear his vision… the spread legged waddle of his hind legs went away soon enough.
Time didn’t seem to help Bo’regards disposition, or his eyesight. The added frustration of being shunned by the cows made things even worse… as evidenced by Bo mounting the tractor once and Dame Chelsey… TWICE!
… she stays indoors a lot now… mumbles to ‘er self real low, ‘cept an occasional screech …
"… yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep ! ! ! … watwuzat ? ? ?"
poor thang…
… 3 a.m……….
… scares th’ bejeebers outta Chelsey…
Although Bo’regard’s primary equipment was up an’ runnin’ all was still not well. First of April, Uncle Luther brought his little yeller Jersey, Fern, by for … uh… service an’ was not bashful at all in tellin’ Chelsey, …
"Chelsey ! You need to hep that critter git ‘round behind."
Fern was not amused at havin’ her ribs poked. She rolled her eyes up and ‘huffed’ in indignation. The rest of the cows looked on in silence… it was a sad day fer Bo’regard. He turned a might testy after that an’ Chelsey took to carryin’ a big stick.
Now to get to the Left Hand Fork of Tumble Creek you had to cross Chelsey’s place. Fishin’ pressure dropped to a minimum on the Left Hand Fork. Folks all over Posey was gettin’ th’ word on Bo… word was steak !
Cousin Scooter’s (have I told ya’ll lately what a fine boy he’s turnin’ out to be?) … uh… Cousin Scooter’s favorite fishin’ hole was on the Left Hand Fork. Come Saturday mornin’ he had a ‘baccer can full of crickets an’ a itch. ‘Bout day’light he stood, one foot up on Chelsey’s gate, gazing out across the pasture field… wistfully scratchin’ his be’hind…
"I reckon I gotta try ‘er."
Now Scooter could outrun a fairydiddle, but ol’ Bo had begin a hidin’ an springin’ out sudden like on folks… er anything bigger’n a layin’ hen. A couple of near misses had left Scooter a might cautious … an’ Bo’regard even more flustered.
"No sign of Bo’regard today. Chelsey musta shut him up agin… ‘er maybe shot th’ son of a … er… ol’ red bull."
Scooter eased the old gate open… shhhhhushed th’ squeaky hinges as he shut ‘er behind him and skittered, tree to tree … bush to bush …
"whoooops… frikkin’ cow patty… did’n see that’n… ick!"
rock to rock…. to the creek bank… there, he stood hiding behind an old stack pole (Cousin Scooter was skinny as a rail back then) …
watchin’ … watchin’…
"Nothin’."
"Pheeeeeeww weeee … might be a extry good day."
Now I don’t know if them fish was all that hungry ‘er had just been a missin’ ol’ Scooter, but in a very short time he was pert near out of crickets. He decided to roll a couple big ol’ rocks an’ ketch a grampus ‘er two. Scooter waded out ‘bout knee deep, turned up a slick creek rock an’ promptly let ‘er slip off of turned back finger nails, right on his toes.
Scooter wasn’t hurt bad, ‘cept his skint up shins, but his tenner shoes was caught under the rock pretty good.
All bent over, as he was, Scooter heard the splash… Cousin Scooter even had an instant in which to envision his life thus far … flashin’ before his eyes… but ya’ll just gotta know, Bo’regard throwed some shock an’ awe into Cousin Scooter’s pin worms !
Scooter made ‘er home… barefooted…
Th’ ‘Bar-None’ got a new addition to th’ menue…
Bo Burger……… $2.98 w/coupon.
Ya’ll stop on by now.